i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
