He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
