I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
