friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
