how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
