unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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