Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
