Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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