he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
