watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
