I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
