i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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