i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
