I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Say something about gay babies.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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