NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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