Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize