Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
