ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize