i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize