Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
