upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
