I puked a lego.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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