awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Couch. On fire.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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