Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
