he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
