forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she looked like the before picture.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
