Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
