Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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