i would punch a child for taco bell
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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