whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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