I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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