I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
