How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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