i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
