You can't motorboat a personality
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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