my sisters under your porch take her home
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
