your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
