dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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