Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
