Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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