ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
