I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
