I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
