They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize