I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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