she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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