and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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