No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
