take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
