I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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