Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
