Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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