i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
