Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
