I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
