Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
