How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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