Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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