She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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