READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
