I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
