I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
