Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
