only if we run a train.
done.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
