Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
