youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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