Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
