i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
