Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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