i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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