Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
