worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My penis needs a shock collar
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
